Like many, I’m still recovering from childhood trauma. I can (now) genuinely say that I am thankful for my mother, my childhood, and my traumas. She did the best she could with the tools she had. She did a pretty-kick-ass job as a single mother in the 80’s from rural Mexico. After we migrated to the USA, it was just her and me, so the circumstances made me grow up fast, be highly independent, and fulfill many roles for my mother. Therefore, my needs and desires had to take a back seat. My coping mechanisms were to retreat into my metaphorical shell and shed or hide pieces of me to be what others needed. I’ve now realized I, like Christina Oh from Grey’s Anatomy, don’t have to contort myself to please others.
Cristina [Oh] has learned what she needs to know. Her toolbox is full. She has learned to not let go of the pieces of herself that she needs in order to be what someone else wants. She’s learned not to compromise. She’s learned not to settle. She’s learned, as difficult as it is, how to be her own sun.
Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes
After being in my head for so looooooong (10 days is a long time, without a book, phone, internet, or the ability to communicate with other people), I finally understood why children develop imaginary friends. I am a grown-up, so I did the mature thing and adopted a spirit animal or what my culture would call an Alebrije. She is a unicorn named Matilda M. Zott, her “horn” doubles as a wand and microphone
So now my inner child has Matilda and me to face the world with. So, really, we are quite an invincible trio. All this to say that I’ve never really been alone. Even when I lacked the tools or felt helpless, I always had me. So now my inner dialogue is similar to that of Pink and the brain…
Suley 